My Vampire is a Muslim Socialist Apologist (Recovered Article)

Those of you that know me know that I on occasion get some rather…interesting…emails. Most of the really bizarre ones originate from either review requests or submissions to the journal, but once in a while I get something truly extraordinary in regards to my writing. Extraordinary as in “WTF?”

This morning in my email I got a rather irate message from a gentleman in Texas, who had recently read A Game of Blood. Actually, he stopped reading around page 183 because the “political agenda” of the book was “so obvious” to him that he couldn’t stomach it anymore. It seems that I am “promoting a “Muslim Socialist agenda by proxy” using Mitch and Darius. I must confess I was surprised by how articulate his delusions are. What, you ask, is so subversive in the book to drive this upstanding patriot to take me to task on it?

First, I apparently “insult Texans and everyone who is concerned about securing our borders” by ridiculing the police department of Abilene. Mitch interviews an officer over the phone while investigating Hawthorne. The grave insult apparently comes from the scene below:

“What’s yer business with Mr. Hawthorne?” Holt asked curtly. Mitch lied, sort of, and told him that one of Hawthorne’s employees had committed some crimes and that Hawthorne may have been a victim of fraud, and he was just following up loose ends. It was weak, but it was an answer to keep Holt talking. “Poor guy. He’s got that sort of luck. His car got stolen by some crazy illegal. It turned up a week later.”

“Well, that was lucky.”

“Well, lucky break for us, not so good for Mr. Hawthorne. Seems that damn Mexican was one of those drug cartel guys. And he had killed some poor girl over drugs and stashed her in the trunk. Found the poor girl’s body in the trunk when we pulled the car out of the ditch. He had tried to burn the car, but God must have been watching and it rained that night, so we got all the evidence we needed. You think this has something to do with your case?”

“Well, it might. Where is the inmate now?”

“Cemetery I reckon. All his appeals were rejected and they put a needle to him. Good riddance, though if we didn’t have so many Goddamn liberals in Washington the fucker wouldn’t have been able to sneak across the border to begin with.”


“Well, good luck to you with yer case.”

Somewhere in there is a subversive Muslim Socialist agenda meant to besmirch the honor of Texas.

Now of course you may not SEE it, but that is what makes it subversive, I suppose. I’ll save you all the full play by play of my offenses, as it was a rather lengthy dissertation. But apparently the part of the book that really upset him, and “pretty much made sure I’ll never allow your books in my house again” would be the following exchange between Darius and Mitch:

“Finally, the most ancient of us awoke from their slumbers, but even they were at this point too few in number to stop the plague alone. So they called the Second Council of Shadows in Istanbul in 1550.”

“Why Turkey?”

“It was Muslim. Safe from the Inquisition. And don’t make such a face. Islam at that time was a rather cosmopolitan and open faith. It is really only in the last century that the fanatical elements have taken over, unlike Christianity which has always been controlled by its extremists.”

“Christians didn’t blow up the World Trade Center,” scowled Mitch.

“Oh please. Protestants and Catholics were blowing each other up in Northern Ireland for decades before 9/11. The violence just never made it to U.S. soil, so nobody cared. And besides, you say that as if the whole event was actually religiously motivated, and not the delusions of a single madman.”

“Takes one to know one, I guess.”

“And again you take the opportunity to insult me.”

“If you’re gonna open that door, Darius. I’m walking through.”

So there you have it. My Muslim Socialist agenda laid bare. He has assured me that he is going to let everyone know how “anti-American” I am. I surely hope he does. I can only think a review like his on Amazon would alert my fellow subversive Muslim Socialists that I am doing my job and encourage them to buy the book.

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