Ok, the dog is starting to get on my nerves.
Chewy: Woof? (English translation: what’s wrong with my review?)
Me: Chewy, if you want people to take you seriously as a book critic, you can’t publish reviews that read like a vaudeville routine.
Chewy:Wooof?? (English translation: What’s vaudeville? Is this some old people thing?)
Me: Nevermind that. Your review of Saul’s book is ridiculous. I don’t think he would have given you a copy if he knew how the review would turn out.
Chewy: Woof! Bark! Wooooofffffff! Howl. (English translation: Mom, reviews are for the benefit of READERS, not the author! Geesh. How long have you been writing book reviews and you don’t know that?)
Me: Chewy, the review reads like a long joke.
Chewy: Woof woof. (English translation: I was just trying to keep it entertaining.)
Me: You need to rewrite it.
Chewy: hooowwwwlllll. (English translation: You’re just jealous because my reviews are getting more pageviews than yours.)
Anyway, here is Chewy’s review of S.W. Tanpepper’s GAMELAND. (Saul, I am so sorry for this.)
The book is also available on Smashwords.
Chewy’s Book Review
Duuuuhhh, is this thing on? Testing, one, two, uhhhh… something.
Chewy here with another installment of Chewy’s Book Reviews: What’s on the Sith Witch’s Kindle?
Just finished the 4th episode of Gameland, Sunder the Hollow Ones. Got to be my favorite installment of the series so far. Because of the dog, of course. Shinji. Damn, but the mutt’s got chops — no, offense — taking out that zombie like that. And all he gets is canned tuna? Wazzup with that, Jessie? Didn’t Micah tell you Shinji means faithful? Dog saves your life and all that’s good for is twelve-year-old tuna? Show some faith back, girl! Give Shinji some real canine courtesy! There’s bones lying everywhere, for Dog’s sake! Give him one of those to chew on.
Okay, zombie bones, but still… I’ve eaten cat crap and lived. What are we here, French poodles? Anyway, as I was saying —
Sorry about that, hounds. Where was I? Oh yeah, Gameland.
Can I just say I never liked that Micah? Next chance you get, Shinj — you don’t mind me calling you Shinj, do you? Of course not, I keep forgetting you’re a character in a book. Next chance, I hope he takes a piece out of Micah’s ass. Damn traitor. I could smell betrayal on him ten chapters away.
So, here’s my down-and-dirty:
Plot: Better, now that there’s a dog involved.
Character development: Humans are a bit whacked, but Shinji just seems so real.
Writing: It ain’t exactly steak tartar, but it’s definitely got some meat to it. I’m digging it. Like, in the rose garden. If I could just figure out the cat door.
So, dawgs, if you want to sink your canines into some cyberpunk horror, get a whiff of Gameland. The first episode is free.
Kibble rating, on a scale of one to five, f—