I’ve decided that I will resort to public ridicule for now on for any and all SEO spam I get. And I’m starting with this rocket scientist.
I got the following email today from email@example.com. Because I don’t want to embarrass innocent parties, I want to point out that my buddy “Ethan” here addressed this to a site that is NOT one of mine. It’s a site for a completely different author who writes in a completely different genre. (An author I have heard of, by the way, so I guess her SEO is actually pretty good).
I thought you might like to know some reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for deletedtoprotecttheinnocent.net.
1. Your website deletedtoprotecttheinnocent.net is not ranking top in Google organic searches for many competitive keyword phrases.
2. Your company is not doing well in most of the Social Media Websites.
3. Your site is not user friendly on mobile devices.
There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis in the form of a WEBSITE AUDIT REPORT for FREE.
Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company’s website traffic and online reputation. You will be happy to know that, my team is willing to guarantee you 1st page Google ranking for most of your targeted keyword phrases in our six month ongoing campaign.
Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you. I am also available to meet you in person and present you this website audit report.
PS I: I am not spamming. I have studied your website and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.
PS II: I found your site using Google search and after having a look over your website I recommend you to implement future technologies such as HTML5 and Responsive Design to make your site more accessible in mobile phone, tablets, desktop etc.
No, Ethan is NOT SPAMMING! Despite the fact that he is sending out what is obviously a form letter using some faulty merge data software that sent the wrong email to the wrong person. But he isn’t spamming! Ethan also has a weird definition of SPAM, as the definition of SPAM is is the use of electronic messaging systems to send unsolicited bulk messages, especially advertising, indiscriminately. Now what do we call an unsolicited form letter sent via email that is created using a merge data function and sent to multiple targets? SPAM! Ethan, buddy, you are spamming. Get a dictionary if you need one. Go to Wikipedia. They have a whole page on this to clarify the issue for you.
And Ethan studied my website! He studied it so much that he got confused as to the actual name of my website.
And he found my site using Google search. I’m curious what search words he used to find me? And if he found me so easily using Google search, then I would guess my SEO is pretty damn good and I don’t actually need his help?
Now I know what you are thinking. But Oh Great and Powerful Sith! Why give him free publicity? Well, I figure Ethan found me with a spambot, which means spambots are crawling my site, which means they will capture email addresses and phone numbers, which means…well…maybe Ethan will end up spamming himself shortly.